So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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