I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
