I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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