eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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