a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
