clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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