can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
