Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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