I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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