there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My cat gives me a boner
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I love you. Go after that dick
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
