Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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