i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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