you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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