i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize