How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
