So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize