You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
