There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
