we have pet lesbian snakes
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
