proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
