Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
