The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
