She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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