Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
