I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
