Who did Billy Mays play for?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
