he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
