Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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