the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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