Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
