the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
