I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
