It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
