Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
