I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize