there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
