i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize