Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
