you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
