I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
