Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
