I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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