Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
