So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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