you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
