Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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