If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize