i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
