after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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