Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
