Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
