Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
