Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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