I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
