I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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