guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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