yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize