That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
