Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
