So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
