You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You have to summon your inner elephant
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
