So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
