i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
