Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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