Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
