the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
