i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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