I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
