Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
