He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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