Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
