New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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