i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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